EIGHT TIPS TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER WITH YOUR TEEN
Eight Tips to Manage Your Anger with Your Teen
Parenting teens can feel like an emotional roller coaster when they challenge your authority and trigger strong emotions in you from your childhood. I have helped countless parents to manage this difficult stage and find ways to manage their anger by empowering them, so they are able to nurture their teens to thrive.
It is important for parents to remember that adolescence is a challenging time for teenagers as they are going through physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. Their bodies are changing fast, their hormones are raging, and they may be experiencing mood swings. At the same time, you might also be going through biological changes. Though it is not visible to the naked eye, emotions can be felt intensely and the dynamics between both of you are firing at all cylinders.
Parenting
If you have more than one teen at home, you would have recognised the difference from one to the other, so a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting might not be appropriate because of their different personalities.
Boundaries
The role of a teen is to push boundaries as they are growing and trying to find their place in the world. Asserting themselves begins at home as this is their first classroom for life lessons. As parents, we have experienced all their milestones as they grow from a baby, toddler, child, and teen. Yes, there have been joys and sleepless nights and now you are faced with this young person that stands shoulder to shoulder, or face to face confronting you, and you wonder what you did wrong when they repeatedly defy your instructions.
It is not my fault
“It is not my fault.” “I am a teen.” “It’s my hormones!” I have heard my granddaughter give these excuses for every situation. However, you can observe when the boundaries are respected because you can recognise the change in thinking as it is reflected in their actions. Rewarding positive behaviour through positive reinforcement can be more effective than punishment in motivating teenagers to change.
Eight tips to manage your anger with your teen
Managing your anger with your teen can be difficult, but an essential skill for parents to employ.
Self-awareness: Start by recognising your own triggers and understanding what makes you angry. This could be stress, exhaustion, or frustration from past interactions. Understanding your own emotions is the first step to managing how you feel.
Stay Calm: When faced with a challenging teen, take deep breaths, count to ten, or use other relaxation techniques to help you stay composed. Remember, you are the adult in this situation, and your emotional regulation sets an example for your teenager.
Listen Actively: Try to understand your teenager's perspective and feelings. Ask open-ended questions and practice active listening. Let them express themselves without interruption. Sometimes, just feeling heard can diffuse tension.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear rules and consequences. Make sure your teen knows what is expected of them and what will happen if they don't adhere to your expectations and be consistent.
Choose Your Battles: Not every issue is worth getting angry about. Decide what's truly important and prioritise those issues. Sometimes, it's better to let small things go rather than escalate a situation.
Use "I" Statements: When discussing problems or expressing your feelings, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, say "I feel frustrated when chores aren't done", instead of "You never do your chores."
Problem-Solving: Work together with your teen to find solutions to the issues at hand. Encourage them to brainstorm ideas and involve them in the decision-making process. This can help them take ownership of their actions and responsibilities.
Self-care: Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Ensure you have outlets for stress and frustrations, such as exercise, hobbies, or talking to friends. A well-rested and emotionally balanced parent is better equipped to handle challenging situations.
Remember that managing anger with challenging teens is an ongoing process. It may take time to see changes in behaviour, and setbacks are common. Stay committed to open communication and develop a positive and supportive relationship with your teen. If the situation becomes unmanageable or dangerous seek professional help for both you and your teen.
Blooming Families online parent counselling can be beneficial as it gives you a safe confidential space to talk freely about your experience as a parent without feeling judged. If you are wondering how this service will help, I am happy to offer you a free 15-minute consultation via Zoom, to see how we can work together.
